Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas

Okay, so at a certain point I'm going to link to this from my more active blog, and then everyone will know about it.  But I haven't done that yet!  I mean, as I write these words.  Eventually I will have and the words will remain the same.  But if you came across this entry before that, please tell me how.  You can't be obsessively checking this blog every day.  You have some sort of notification thing set up?  Tell me how it works.  Tell me!

Happy Holidays to all.  Initially, I had the idea to write about the stories in the Gemstone Twice Upon a Christmas book.  I was vaguely aware that there was also a Once Upon a Christmas, but I think I somehow assumed that Twice was comics-only.  But it's not!  Obviously.  Well, I figured if I want to write about those, I should start with this.  I wish there were a comic adaptation of this too for conceptual purity, but...that ain't the world we live in!  I'm not going to specifically write about the Twice Upon a Christmas film here, but I will see it so I can note any interesting divergences.

Well, we start with an unseen narrator (Kelsey Grammer, as it turns out) intoning some soupy Christmas doggerel.  He'll also reappear between segments, of which there are three, as follows:

"Stuck on Christmas"

It's Christmas in the Duck residence.  HDL get presents and their family members drop by and it's all fuzzy.  But then they're like, man, why can't it be Christmas all the time?  They're quite whiny about it, really.  And from there...it just turns into Groundhog Day.  I mean, obviously I knew from the beginning that it was influenced by Groundhog Day, but there are a lot of ways you can take that premise, and this wears its inspiration on its sleeve.  HDL are briefly gleeful about this Christmas-every-day thing, but then they grow increasingly haggard and desperate and start playing mean tricks on their relatives until repenting and realizing that they've gotta be more humanistic and create the best Christmas EVER.  So they make Donald a present: a sled with a boat bolted to it, which is what he's always...wanted?  Maybe?  Whatever.  It's enough to break the curse and they learn that Christmas really should only come once a year.

Oh, and there's also a few brief appearances by Chip and Dale, riding an electric train in their tree.

(Of course, the difference between this and Groundhog Day is that Bill Murray in that had clearly always been a jerk before he got his shot at redemption; HDL here are only jerks because the premise is driving them crazy.) 

I didn't love the character design here, especially HDL themselves:

Eh.  Kind of ugly.  Also, check out Scrooge:

Seriously, where does that design come from?  It's obviously not Ducktales, nor is it Uncle Scrooge and Money or Mickey's Christmas Carol.  Is there some source, or did they create a whole new design just for this movie?  Crazy.

I was also briefly confused because, wait, what's Mrs. Beakley doing here, albeit for some reason with blond hair?  Is this in Ducktales continuity?  But then why don't HDL live with Scrooge?  It took me a little while to realize this was a different character.  You have to admit, they DO look similar.  Also, I might've been a bit stoned.  But no!  She is a character named Aunt Gertie, who--this kind of boggles me--has only ever appeared in this movie.  Not reused for anything!  Seems wasteful!  If you're not trying to establish her as a recurring character, you might as well just have used Grandma.

Well anyway!  Art issues aside, this is more or less all right.  The Groundhog Day premise is used so often because it's a very good premise.  I won't say this is the best possible version of itself, but I have seen so much worse out of Disney television animation, so I should probably just take it.  I don't know if I can extend the same courtesy to 

"A Very Goofy Christmas,"

however.  This is only a few minutes longer than "Stuck on Christmas," but I swear, it felt absolutely endless.  This is that slightly alien continuity where Goofy has a son (!), Max.  I have never, ever said a single word about Max 'til now.  He is very aggressively segregated into the animated side of the Disneyverse.  If I have anything to say, I think I'll save it 'til we get to his story in Twice Upon a Christmas.  Here he's a generic kid with a hint of that irritating nineties "attitude."  It starts where oh no, Max's letter to Santa wasn't mailed, so let's have a moderately boring slapstick sequence as he and his pa try to right this wrong.  But then: Pete--that Serpent in the Garden!--poisons Max' ears with terrible stories of Santa's non-existence.  Do you think this story is going to be a profound meditation on faith?  Well...I guess that remains to be seen.  Goofy assures his son that Santa is real, which briefly reassures him until he starts thinking about it.  His faith is almost restored when Goofy appears in a Santa suit, but then he is crushed when the mask accidentally comes off (apparently the fact that his voice was identical to Goofy's wasn't a giveaway).  So now he becomes an angry nihilist and Goofy tries to appease him in vain.  Finally, Goofy gets all depressed and Max in turn dresses as Santa to try to cheer him up.  So they're reconciled, and then the real Santa finally appears, and gives Max his desired gift (a snowboard, for an unmistakable taste of nineties raditude).  And finally, Santa fucks the shit out of Pete's house by blasting snow all over it to punish him for his unbelief, and Pete does not receive his desired gifts, "a squirty gun and a yo-yo."  How old IS this Pete, anyway?

There you have it.  As indicated above, I found this whole thing incredibly tedious.  Maybe it's just because I have no affection for Max nor--as portrayed here--Goofy, but their dumb problems interested me not one bit.  One bit, you hear!  God knows what this'll do to little kids who still believe in Santa.  The fact that he's revealed to be real in the end still could be a bit of a shock to someone who's never even thought that of "is Santa real?" as a relevant question.  Well...I don't care.  For which I don't apologize!

"Mickey & Minnie's Gift of the Magi"

Well, the title gives away the conceit.  In this version, Mickey has a harmonica that he pawns for a chain for Minnie's heirloom watch, and she gets him a harmonica case by...well, you know.  Actually, it's a bit badly balanced, as we don't even see Minnie pawn the watch; this isn't really her show.  But it happens!  Apparently!  Here she's working in a department store, and her boss is Mortimer.  Wak!  She and Mickey are both economically on the edge here.  

Mickey has work--only seasonal, one would assume--at Pete's Christmas tree lot.  Is this the same Pete as in the Goofy cartoon?  He actually plans on making enough money to just buy the watch chain, but when he stops Pete from cheating a family, he takes it out of his salary.  Also, he plays some music with a band, but that's more or less irrelevant.  He ends up doing the thing, and okay, we all know how this comes out; blah.

But actually, this one was all right.  Not a staggering work of genius or anything, but I'd readily call it the best of these three.  I think the characters are portrayed pretty well, and I think the idea of Mickey with a harmonica is a good one.  Happy Christmas I GUESS.

Actually, one thing I like about all three of these is the use of public domain Christmas music.  Obviously they're just doing it 'cause it's free but I'd say it contributes to the feel.  Ya.