"Luckily, Gyro discovered bombastium, a substance that made time travel possible!" sez the opening voiceover. The show appears to forget that there have already been multiple time travel episodes.
Anyway, no surprise, really, but there's very little semblance of continuity between parts of this multi-part thing. I mean, I know why they DID this multi-part business: it's so they could first market the whole thing as a big TV MOVIE EVENT! and then have a bunch of regular episodes on their hands into the bargain. Still, a little more narrative ambition would not come amiss.
Well so but anyway, here our heroes and also Bubba end up in "Toupai," an Eastern-styled place that looks sorta like Barks' "City of Golden Roofs." There's an evil dude, Mung Ho, oppressing the people, but when Bubba appears, he supposedly fulfills some kind of prophesy-type thing, so Mung Ho's grip on power is jeopardized. Oh, and also, there's a good princess or priestess or something, Sen Sen, who helps our guys out. Meanwhile, it is also necessary to find a way to refreeze the defrosted bombastium--the stuff's much more durable than it ever was in the Barks story, it would appear.
Shrug. This is one of those episodes that just doesn't evoke much of a reaction from me one way or another. Pretty standard. Bubba doesn't get any less risible. Nice to see Launchpad get to briefly make out with Sen Sen at the end, although the idea that he has NO PROBLEM immediately going from that to, whoops, bye, never gonna see YOU again! seems psychologically inastute.
Anyway, back the present next time, I think.
Stray Observations
-"Sorry, boss, but time machines don't have breaks!" Really. Gyro designed a time machine to fly, like a plane, but included no way to stop. Okay. No, really, that's fine. Swell idea. Carry on.
-Funny bit where Dewey licks the newly-refrozen bombastium and immediately disappears and reappears in a suit of armor.
"Wait a minute! If this is the great one's treasure, where did it all come from?" "Mung Ho took it from the people of Toupai!" "You mean he didn't earn it square?!?" My inner Marxist is unsure whether to laugh or scream at this. But either way, he's gonna do it hysterically.
-HIGHLY dubious recurring joke about the natives being unable to pronounce the 'r' in Scrooge (they have no trouble with any OTHER 'r's).
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Ducktales, Season Two, Episode One: "Time Is Money," part one: "Making Time"
Okay! It's a brave new world in Ducktalesland, as demonstrated by the fact that the opening credits have been altered to include scenes of our, uh, new character--why, it's just like he was always there! Very Orwellian.
So the idea is that Scrooge wants to buy an island from Glomgold, 'cause he knows--don't ask any stupid questions, okay? He just KNOWS--that it's lousy with chunks of coal that you can tap very lightly to reveal perfectly cut and polished diamonds. Getting wind of this, Glomgold decides to use the letter of the law to his advantage by blowing the island in half and leaving Scrooge with the lame, stupid, diamond-less half. Eye Eh En Eh El, but I kinda don't think contract law is gonna work even remotely like that, especially when a canny businessman like Scrooge is involved, but WHATEVER. Look, shut up, okay?
So Scrooge comes up with the brilliant idea of going a little ways back in time in a machine of Gyro's to prevent this bad juju from going down (using "bombastium," a reference to Barks' "Cold Bargain" if only in name). But, surprisingly enough, they get transported into the distant past, and then more stuff happens.
Actually, in spite of what the somewhat jaundiced description above might indicate, I didn't REALLY hate this set-up, particularly. I just roll my eyes and let it wash over me, and it gets the job done to send our heroes back in time, I suppose, if a little inelegantly.
So now we're in the past. And now, a nephew-sized caveduck named Bubba, along with his pet triceratops, will join the cast. And that is all. See you next time, folks.
Stray Observations
-Okay okay, I guess I HAVE to say something about this development, though I don't really WANT to. Bubba (voiced, no surprise, by Frank Welker) is an embarrassingly stupid addition to the cast, and admittedly I'm writing this after only seeing him in one episode, but it's extremely difficult for me to imagine him engaging in a cessation of suckage. People are quick to call "Cousin Oliver" on him, but I dunno--the show has ALWAYS been gimmicky, and I don't necessarily object to that on principle. But I DO object to a friggin' caveduck who talks in monosyllables--I mean, this would be okay for a one-episode thing, but to make such an individual into a regular character? Oh, and also, like the Terminator, he learns contemporary catchphrases to spout. Oh to have been a fly on the wall at THAT creative meeting. Preferably a tsetse fly, so I could have given someone malaria.
-Can I take this opportunity to reiterate how much I HATE HATE HATE the Ducktales Beagle Boys? Well, I am, because I'm afraid that if I didn't, you might forget this vital fact about me, and that would be no good at all.
"There aren't any diamonds here--only coal!" WHY NOT JUST GET ELEPHANTS TO STEP ON THEM THAT SEEMS TO DO THE TRICK? Okay, no fair using this entry to mock a previous episode.
-To end on a positive note, I am hoping--and, really, expecting; how could it be otherwise?--that Fenton proves to be a better late cast-addition.
So the idea is that Scrooge wants to buy an island from Glomgold, 'cause he knows--don't ask any stupid questions, okay? He just KNOWS--that it's lousy with chunks of coal that you can tap very lightly to reveal perfectly cut and polished diamonds. Getting wind of this, Glomgold decides to use the letter of the law to his advantage by blowing the island in half and leaving Scrooge with the lame, stupid, diamond-less half. Eye Eh En Eh El, but I kinda don't think contract law is gonna work even remotely like that, especially when a canny businessman like Scrooge is involved, but WHATEVER. Look, shut up, okay?
So Scrooge comes up with the brilliant idea of going a little ways back in time in a machine of Gyro's to prevent this bad juju from going down (using "bombastium," a reference to Barks' "Cold Bargain" if only in name). But, surprisingly enough, they get transported into the distant past, and then more stuff happens.
Actually, in spite of what the somewhat jaundiced description above might indicate, I didn't REALLY hate this set-up, particularly. I just roll my eyes and let it wash over me, and it gets the job done to send our heroes back in time, I suppose, if a little inelegantly.
So now we're in the past. And now, a nephew-sized caveduck named Bubba, along with his pet triceratops, will join the cast. And that is all. See you next time, folks.
Stray Observations
-Okay okay, I guess I HAVE to say something about this development, though I don't really WANT to. Bubba (voiced, no surprise, by Frank Welker) is an embarrassingly stupid addition to the cast, and admittedly I'm writing this after only seeing him in one episode, but it's extremely difficult for me to imagine him engaging in a cessation of suckage. People are quick to call "Cousin Oliver" on him, but I dunno--the show has ALWAYS been gimmicky, and I don't necessarily object to that on principle. But I DO object to a friggin' caveduck who talks in monosyllables--I mean, this would be okay for a one-episode thing, but to make such an individual into a regular character? Oh, and also, like the Terminator, he learns contemporary catchphrases to spout. Oh to have been a fly on the wall at THAT creative meeting. Preferably a tsetse fly, so I could have given someone malaria.
-Can I take this opportunity to reiterate how much I HATE HATE HATE the Ducktales Beagle Boys? Well, I am, because I'm afraid that if I didn't, you might forget this vital fact about me, and that would be no good at all.
"There aren't any diamonds here--only coal!" WHY NOT JUST GET ELEPHANTS TO STEP ON THEM THAT SEEMS TO DO THE TRICK? Okay, no fair using this entry to mock a previous episode.
-To end on a positive note, I am hoping--and, really, expecting; how could it be otherwise?--that Fenton proves to be a better late cast-addition.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Ducktales, Season One, Episode Sixty: "Till Nephews Do Us Part"
Well! The season closer is...interesting. Good? Let's stick with "interesting." Certainly one of your more bizarre episodes; but not in so half-assed a way as many a Ducktales joint. That's not to say it's DEVOID of half-assed elements: for instance, there's this dumb thing where apparently nobody knows what ASAP stands for, resulting in this dialogue between Scrooge and Duckworth: "ASAP?" "As soon as possible!" "Oh, of course, sir! For a moment I thought you were calling me a sap!" Seriously, people, that would barely be acceptable coming from Launchpad. But Duckworth? Now granted, this episode is goofy in some intentional ways, but that doesn't entirely obviate the need to keep characters acting in believable ways. We never really enter "Uncrashable Hindentanic" territory here. Also: "'Trespassing?' What does 'trespassing' mean?" Come the fuck ON.
So anyway, the plot: Scrooge falls in love with a rich woman, Millionaira Vanderbucks, who looks like the lady from "Spies in Their Eyes," and they have a courtship filled with a non-stop cavalcade of money-related terms of endearment. But oh no! She just wants his money! And…she's really, really obvious about this, and the kids find out, but Scrooge will not be turned from his purpose of marrying her! They try, but fail, to scare her off with a treasure-hunting trip to Malaysia, in a sequence that's sort of misogynistic but also sort of amusing but, on the third hand, also sorta dumb: like, they convince her that there's a Terrible Creature after them, and the only way she can ward it off is by…carrying all their luggage? Really, now.
In any case, all this amounts to nothing, because Scrooge is still determined to marry her. There's a big wedding scene, which features cameos from fuckloads of prior Ducktales characters, whom I didn't keep track of due to honestly not caring that much (though I was certainly glad to see Donald make a brief appearance); then there's the most surreal ending I could've imagined, in which Goldie bursts out of a cake and chases Millionaira off with a shotgun. Really truly. And then she attempts to murder Scrooge for "two-timing," which I tend to feel tarnishes the Goldie mystique a little bit. The idea that he's required to remain eternally faithful to her, in spite of having left her fifty-odd years ago, is a bit much. I mean, even Florentino Ariza in Love in the Time of Cholera had his flings. Crikey.
The season certainly could've ended in a worse fashion, but I won't say this was any kind of series highlight either. The second "season" is just straight-up two five-part episodes in a row. My experiences with multi-part Ducktales episodes have been mixed at best, so we'll just have to hope for the best.
Stray Observations
-The bit where the kids are incapable of pronouncing "relics" correctly ("relish") is pretty dumb, but it DOES have a good pay-off in the Malaysia segment. Scrooge: "I found the relics!" [brandishing a jar] "And it IS relish!"
-Beakley is totally blasé about the kids being sent off to military/finishing school, but when it's suggested that SHE might be fired, hoo boy, look out! This strikes me as a mean and not-too-believable interpretation of her character.
-The romance would be better with a medley set to "Daisy Bell." Just sayin.'
So anyway, the plot: Scrooge falls in love with a rich woman, Millionaira Vanderbucks, who looks like the lady from "Spies in Their Eyes," and they have a courtship filled with a non-stop cavalcade of money-related terms of endearment. But oh no! She just wants his money! And…she's really, really obvious about this, and the kids find out, but Scrooge will not be turned from his purpose of marrying her! They try, but fail, to scare her off with a treasure-hunting trip to Malaysia, in a sequence that's sort of misogynistic but also sort of amusing but, on the third hand, also sorta dumb: like, they convince her that there's a Terrible Creature after them, and the only way she can ward it off is by…carrying all their luggage? Really, now.
In any case, all this amounts to nothing, because Scrooge is still determined to marry her. There's a big wedding scene, which features cameos from fuckloads of prior Ducktales characters, whom I didn't keep track of due to honestly not caring that much (though I was certainly glad to see Donald make a brief appearance); then there's the most surreal ending I could've imagined, in which Goldie bursts out of a cake and chases Millionaira off with a shotgun. Really truly. And then she attempts to murder Scrooge for "two-timing," which I tend to feel tarnishes the Goldie mystique a little bit. The idea that he's required to remain eternally faithful to her, in spite of having left her fifty-odd years ago, is a bit much. I mean, even Florentino Ariza in Love in the Time of Cholera had his flings. Crikey.
The season certainly could've ended in a worse fashion, but I won't say this was any kind of series highlight either. The second "season" is just straight-up two five-part episodes in a row. My experiences with multi-part Ducktales episodes have been mixed at best, so we'll just have to hope for the best.
Stray Observations
-The bit where the kids are incapable of pronouncing "relics" correctly ("relish") is pretty dumb, but it DOES have a good pay-off in the Malaysia segment. Scrooge: "I found the relics!" [brandishing a jar] "And it IS relish!"
-Beakley is totally blasé about the kids being sent off to military/finishing school, but when it's suggested that SHE might be fired, hoo boy, look out! This strikes me as a mean and not-too-believable interpretation of her character.
-The romance would be better with a medley set to "Daisy Bell." Just sayin.'
Ducktales, Season One, Episode Fifty-Nine: "Ducky Horror Picture Show"
And we're back.
Um...so Scrooge has an old convention center he's fixing up, and a convention of people who turn out to be movie monsters want to use it to hold their annual meeting. There's the usual "do you believe in monsters?" "Oh, there's no such thing as monsters!" song and dance, and then, a third of the way in, they go to stay in Scrooge's "hotel," which turns out to just be his mansion, because the writer is a hack of the first order and didn't CARE if it made sense. Also, because to this point there wasn't really much of a plot, per se, and it was felt there had to be SOME conflict (conflict=the monsters fuck up his house). Then the episode sort of gets bored with this, so the monsters leave and hold a monster-rights demonstration, which is resolved when it turns out that kids LOVE monsters, so evidently they have nothing more to demonstrate for! Instead, they engage in a monster-minstrel-show for the kids. It's clear that the author didn't think about what this "demonstration" actually meant, and so saw no problem in resolving it in this pat, not-really-much-of-a-resolution way. Blah.
Seriously, man, this episode is the sort of half-assed bullshit that makes the instantly-infamous third issue of Boom's Ducktales comic look like a perfectly accurate translation of the show itself. The episode is nothing but a lazy cavalcade of stupid monster-related jokes with very little plot holding it together, none of it worthy of existing. Seriously, man, fuck THIS episode. Let's hope the next one is able to at least close out the season on a half-way respectable note.
Stray Observations
-Okay, I'll admit I kind of liked the sad-sack, Steve-Buscemi-esque human (duck) form of the werewolf. But that's all.
-"Ping Pong:" he's like King Kong, but he has a giant ping-pong paddle. See? This is what happens when you let six-year-olds write Ducktales episodes.
Um...so Scrooge has an old convention center he's fixing up, and a convention of people who turn out to be movie monsters want to use it to hold their annual meeting. There's the usual "do you believe in monsters?" "Oh, there's no such thing as monsters!" song and dance, and then, a third of the way in, they go to stay in Scrooge's "hotel," which turns out to just be his mansion, because the writer is a hack of the first order and didn't CARE if it made sense. Also, because to this point there wasn't really much of a plot, per se, and it was felt there had to be SOME conflict (conflict=the monsters fuck up his house). Then the episode sort of gets bored with this, so the monsters leave and hold a monster-rights demonstration, which is resolved when it turns out that kids LOVE monsters, so evidently they have nothing more to demonstrate for! Instead, they engage in a monster-minstrel-show for the kids. It's clear that the author didn't think about what this "demonstration" actually meant, and so saw no problem in resolving it in this pat, not-really-much-of-a-resolution way. Blah.
Seriously, man, this episode is the sort of half-assed bullshit that makes the instantly-infamous third issue of Boom's Ducktales comic look like a perfectly accurate translation of the show itself. The episode is nothing but a lazy cavalcade of stupid monster-related jokes with very little plot holding it together, none of it worthy of existing. Seriously, man, fuck THIS episode. Let's hope the next one is able to at least close out the season on a half-way respectable note.
Stray Observations
-Okay, I'll admit I kind of liked the sad-sack, Steve-Buscemi-esque human (duck) form of the werewolf. But that's all.
-"Ping Pong:" he's like King Kong, but he has a giant ping-pong paddle. See? This is what happens when you let six-year-olds write Ducktales episodes.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Ducktales, Season One, Episode Fifty-Eight: "All Ducks on Deck"
How bizarre: prior to watching this episode, I was sure I had seen it before, but the only fragmentary scene I "remembered" from it--Donald from behind after, either getting out of the navy or going on leave or SOMETHING--is most definitely NOT in the episode itself. Huh.
Seems odd to put two naval episode featuring Donald back-to-back, but there you have it. There's a cool intro in which the ship is being menaced by a storm and running into dangerous reef territory, and the waves and the crags are personified with "evil" faces, and I thought hey, yeah, Donald can beat an octopus, GOOD GOING! and it wasn't until he entered the cabin to steer the ship to safety that I realized, darn--this is gonna be all a dream.
Well, a fantasy, anyway, that he's telling to the kids. It's certainly an appropriately Barksian thing for him to get in trouble due to his ego getting carried away like this, so kudos to that--he certainly plays a better role here than he did last episode.
Anyway, I suppose it's just burying the lede to have gone this long without mentioning that this episode feature the PHANTOM BLOT as a villain. You know, I've always thought the very idea of the Blot as a recurring comics villain is kind of dumb--the whole point of the character in the original Gottfredson story is that he's mysterious. But once we learn his True Identity...well, he's just some guy. So now Some Guy is a recurring Mickey villain, to what I have generally found to be minimal effect.
The Blot here has even less relationship to the original character than the latter-day comics version does; he's all over-the-top cackling and megalomaniacal. Fact remains, though, few if any of the people in the show's target audience are gonna have been familiar with the character at all, and stipulating that this guy has little or nothing to do with the original, he's pretty effective. He actually has comparatively little screen time, but his ranting IS entertaining to watch, and I have to admit, I was not expecting--spoiler alert!--for Grimitz's ass-kissing adjutant to be in league with him.
Oh, yeah, anyway, the Blot tries to steal an experimental invisible plane--though the idea that he's going to somehow be able to RULE THE WORLD with this plane needs some fine-tuning. He fails, and Donald…well, doesn't really save the day in any particularly profound way. It's not like lighting signal flares to let Scrooge's and Launchpad's plane land was a particularly brilliant idea. Oh well. The kids making a medal for him at the end is nicely reminiscent of the Barks ten-pager in which he tries out for the Olympics, and the meta-y business of the medal showing a Wheel-of-Fortune-type show in which "Duck Tales" is the solution is fun.
Stray Observations
-"A net! And I don't mean Funicello!" GROAN.
-Seems like the idea of the nephews stowing away in luggage is a bit ragged by this point…
-Pretty dumb of Grimitz & Co to think that HDL's remote-control thing is a shark, but it's funny when Donald shoots it with a flaregun and just sets the top of it on fire. I fail to see why he shouldn't get credit for having done that--not HIS fault it goes out of control.
-"It's nice to be fishing again!" "Aye! And THESE fish DESERVE to be caught!" As opposed, presumably, to regular fish, who are just innocent victims.
Seems odd to put two naval episode featuring Donald back-to-back, but there you have it. There's a cool intro in which the ship is being menaced by a storm and running into dangerous reef territory, and the waves and the crags are personified with "evil" faces, and I thought hey, yeah, Donald can beat an octopus, GOOD GOING! and it wasn't until he entered the cabin to steer the ship to safety that I realized, darn--this is gonna be all a dream.
Well, a fantasy, anyway, that he's telling to the kids. It's certainly an appropriately Barksian thing for him to get in trouble due to his ego getting carried away like this, so kudos to that--he certainly plays a better role here than he did last episode.
Anyway, I suppose it's just burying the lede to have gone this long without mentioning that this episode feature the PHANTOM BLOT as a villain. You know, I've always thought the very idea of the Blot as a recurring comics villain is kind of dumb--the whole point of the character in the original Gottfredson story is that he's mysterious. But once we learn his True Identity...well, he's just some guy. So now Some Guy is a recurring Mickey villain, to what I have generally found to be minimal effect.
The Blot here has even less relationship to the original character than the latter-day comics version does; he's all over-the-top cackling and megalomaniacal. Fact remains, though, few if any of the people in the show's target audience are gonna have been familiar with the character at all, and stipulating that this guy has little or nothing to do with the original, he's pretty effective. He actually has comparatively little screen time, but his ranting IS entertaining to watch, and I have to admit, I was not expecting--spoiler alert!--for Grimitz's ass-kissing adjutant to be in league with him.
Oh, yeah, anyway, the Blot tries to steal an experimental invisible plane--though the idea that he's going to somehow be able to RULE THE WORLD with this plane needs some fine-tuning. He fails, and Donald…well, doesn't really save the day in any particularly profound way. It's not like lighting signal flares to let Scrooge's and Launchpad's plane land was a particularly brilliant idea. Oh well. The kids making a medal for him at the end is nicely reminiscent of the Barks ten-pager in which he tries out for the Olympics, and the meta-y business of the medal showing a Wheel-of-Fortune-type show in which "Duck Tales" is the solution is fun.
Stray Observations
-"A net! And I don't mean Funicello!" GROAN.
-Seems like the idea of the nephews stowing away in luggage is a bit ragged by this point…
-Pretty dumb of Grimitz & Co to think that HDL's remote-control thing is a shark, but it's funny when Donald shoots it with a flaregun and just sets the top of it on fire. I fail to see why he shouldn't get credit for having done that--not HIS fault it goes out of control.
-"It's nice to be fishing again!" "Aye! And THESE fish DESERVE to be caught!" As opposed, presumably, to regular fish, who are just innocent victims.
Ducktales, Season One, Episode Fifty-Seven: "Spies in Their Eyes"
He's a DUCK--TALES--HERO, got spies in his eyes!
Sorry, but I fail to see how anyone can talk about this episode and not use that one.
Anyway, here's Donald! Let there be much rejoicing! Although he doesn't exactly have a lot of agency in the episode, which is a bit of a bummer. The idea is that he's on shore leave in Singapore (we're all as mad as hatters here!); the sinister spy Cinnamon Teal hypnotizes him into stealing the navy's experimental…submarine computer thing, for which he is arrested, until Scrooge and HDL can prove his innocence.
The place is crawling with spies, is the idea, and there's a very cool scene in which the hypnotized Donald visits a den of spies, the Cloak & Dagger, to drop off the stolen thing, and a whole bunch of unrelated spies try to accost him with various cryptic things. Nice and atmospheric, and the whole thing recalls Barks' "Dangerous Disguise" in a limited but pleasant way. 'Course, then the scene is reprised in the light of day by Scrooge and HDL to much lesser effect, but what the hey.
Cinnamon Teal is a pretty great femme fatale, and I like the fact that, in spite of the fact that she's pretty clearly villainous (even if she had reason to steal the thing, she did it to get back papers that would incriminate her, so she was clearly guilty of SOMETHING) she doesn't get taken down in the end. The pig-face spy who's blackmailing her is pretty cool at first, but he degenerates precipitously towards the end. Spies are supposed to steal information and sensitive items. They're not supposed to just go around blasting at ships for no stated reason. Be less stupid, Ducktales!
But you know, whatever; it's a pretty good episode all told.
Stray Observations
-Louie: "What's hypnosis?" Dewey: "It's when you walk around in a daze and don't know what you're doing!" "That sounds like Unca Donald, all right!" No, it sounds like the forced setup for a stupid joke at the expense of character. STOP DOING THAT.
-You know, I think that if Donald's actually been convicted of espionage, he's gonna get way worse than just being discharged…
-Grimitz doing a hypnotized ballerina act=pretty funny.
-"You tore up my contracts!" Scrooge rages at the end, Donald having confused them with his discharge papers. But dude, WHO CARES? If the navy wants to buy stuff from you, why would that possibly matter? RRRGH.
Sorry, but I fail to see how anyone can talk about this episode and not use that one.
Anyway, here's Donald! Let there be much rejoicing! Although he doesn't exactly have a lot of agency in the episode, which is a bit of a bummer. The idea is that he's on shore leave in Singapore (we're all as mad as hatters here!); the sinister spy Cinnamon Teal hypnotizes him into stealing the navy's experimental…submarine computer thing, for which he is arrested, until Scrooge and HDL can prove his innocence.
The place is crawling with spies, is the idea, and there's a very cool scene in which the hypnotized Donald visits a den of spies, the Cloak & Dagger, to drop off the stolen thing, and a whole bunch of unrelated spies try to accost him with various cryptic things. Nice and atmospheric, and the whole thing recalls Barks' "Dangerous Disguise" in a limited but pleasant way. 'Course, then the scene is reprised in the light of day by Scrooge and HDL to much lesser effect, but what the hey.
Cinnamon Teal is a pretty great femme fatale, and I like the fact that, in spite of the fact that she's pretty clearly villainous (even if she had reason to steal the thing, she did it to get back papers that would incriminate her, so she was clearly guilty of SOMETHING) she doesn't get taken down in the end. The pig-face spy who's blackmailing her is pretty cool at first, but he degenerates precipitously towards the end. Spies are supposed to steal information and sensitive items. They're not supposed to just go around blasting at ships for no stated reason. Be less stupid, Ducktales!
But you know, whatever; it's a pretty good episode all told.
Stray Observations
-Louie: "What's hypnosis?" Dewey: "It's when you walk around in a daze and don't know what you're doing!" "That sounds like Unca Donald, all right!" No, it sounds like the forced setup for a stupid joke at the expense of character. STOP DOING THAT.
-You know, I think that if Donald's actually been convicted of espionage, he's gonna get way worse than just being discharged…
-Grimitz doing a hypnotized ballerina act=pretty funny.
-"You tore up my contracts!" Scrooge rages at the end, Donald having confused them with his discharge papers. But dude, WHO CARES? If the navy wants to buy stuff from you, why would that possibly matter? RRRGH.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Ducktales, Season One, Episode Fifty-Six: "Once Upon a Dime"
Apologies for the lack of updates--I've just been preoccupied with this and that. But come hell or high water, I AM going to finish this.
This episode is Scrooge's biography--the Ducktales version of the L&T, I suppose. Rosa doesn't exactly have much to worry about, though. The episode opens really, really stupidly--oh no; what's happened to Scrooge's Number-One Dime? Oh look, HDL took it: "We gave you our lucky quarter instead!" "It's a quarter--that makes it two and a half times luckier than your dime!" Really, people? After all this time, we're meant to buy that HDL have no goddamn clue about the dime's significance? That really takes stupidity to the limit, and it demonstrates a pretty profound disrespect for the audience.
Anyway, Scrooge starts learnin' them a lesson about his past and the dime's True Meaning. I was actually sort of impressed by how many Barksian--and not JUST Barksian, either--facts the episode tossed in, albeit in a somewhat haphazard way: Scrooge getting his first dime shining a ditch-digger's boots, using a mass-shoe-shining contraption, having a river-rat uncle in the states and getting in a riverboat race (he leaves Scotland as a teenager, contradicting "The Curse of Castle McDuck," but whatever…)…alas, none of this really adds up to much good, however. There's an abundance of really dumb shit here, and what are some really good sequences in theory--the race, his Klondike days--are incredibly cursory in execution. The fact that the episode is saturated with stupid kilt and bagpipe jokes really shows just how much wit and creativity went into this one.
Also worthy of derision: he strikes oil--and thus becomes rich--purely by luck (he was just digging a hole to bury his dime!). That fundamentally misunderstands the character, and it's the most egregious example of the "lucky dime" heresy we've seen yet: "All thanks to my lucky number one dime!" Also, he becomes a diamond magnate. How? Well, he gets a coal field in Africa. He scatters some peanuts around, causing an elephant stampede, and the pressure of the elephants on the coal causes oh for fuck's sake I can't even finish that sentence, it's such a stupid idea. In fact, although god knows it has plenty of competition, I daresay it may be the dumbest thing in Ducktales thusfar. Take a bow, you dopey bastards.
Stray Observations
-"How are we supposed to spend American money in Scotland?" YEAH, THAT'S A PROBLEM ALL RIGHT--EVEN IF YOU'RE RICH IN ONE COUNTRY, YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY BROKE IF YOU EVER VISIT ANOTHER BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO TRANSFER MONEY. YOU'D THINK THEY'D HAVE COME UP WITH SOME SORT OF SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM.
-Okay, the cowboy Beagles are sort of amusing.
-A really, really weird bit where a hitchhiking Scrooge hitches up his kilt to show some leg to get a ride. Who the hell is this episode for, anyway?
-Hey, did you know that the REAL treasure is family? Perfect point of comparison: Rosa did this same thing, more or less, at the end of the L&T, but, sentimentalist though he is, he avoided getting too goopily saccharine, 'cause who wants that? No such restraint in this episode, big surprise.
This episode is Scrooge's biography--the Ducktales version of the L&T, I suppose. Rosa doesn't exactly have much to worry about, though. The episode opens really, really stupidly--oh no; what's happened to Scrooge's Number-One Dime? Oh look, HDL took it: "We gave you our lucky quarter instead!" "It's a quarter--that makes it two and a half times luckier than your dime!" Really, people? After all this time, we're meant to buy that HDL have no goddamn clue about the dime's significance? That really takes stupidity to the limit, and it demonstrates a pretty profound disrespect for the audience.
Anyway, Scrooge starts learnin' them a lesson about his past and the dime's True Meaning. I was actually sort of impressed by how many Barksian--and not JUST Barksian, either--facts the episode tossed in, albeit in a somewhat haphazard way: Scrooge getting his first dime shining a ditch-digger's boots, using a mass-shoe-shining contraption, having a river-rat uncle in the states and getting in a riverboat race (he leaves Scotland as a teenager, contradicting "The Curse of Castle McDuck," but whatever…)…alas, none of this really adds up to much good, however. There's an abundance of really dumb shit here, and what are some really good sequences in theory--the race, his Klondike days--are incredibly cursory in execution. The fact that the episode is saturated with stupid kilt and bagpipe jokes really shows just how much wit and creativity went into this one.
Also worthy of derision: he strikes oil--and thus becomes rich--purely by luck (he was just digging a hole to bury his dime!). That fundamentally misunderstands the character, and it's the most egregious example of the "lucky dime" heresy we've seen yet: "All thanks to my lucky number one dime!" Also, he becomes a diamond magnate. How? Well, he gets a coal field in Africa. He scatters some peanuts around, causing an elephant stampede, and the pressure of the elephants on the coal causes oh for fuck's sake I can't even finish that sentence, it's such a stupid idea. In fact, although god knows it has plenty of competition, I daresay it may be the dumbest thing in Ducktales thusfar. Take a bow, you dopey bastards.
Stray Observations
-"How are we supposed to spend American money in Scotland?" YEAH, THAT'S A PROBLEM ALL RIGHT--EVEN IF YOU'RE RICH IN ONE COUNTRY, YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY BROKE IF YOU EVER VISIT ANOTHER BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO TRANSFER MONEY. YOU'D THINK THEY'D HAVE COME UP WITH SOME SORT OF SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM.
-Okay, the cowboy Beagles are sort of amusing.
-A really, really weird bit where a hitchhiking Scrooge hitches up his kilt to show some leg to get a ride. Who the hell is this episode for, anyway?
-Hey, did you know that the REAL treasure is family? Perfect point of comparison: Rosa did this same thing, more or less, at the end of the L&T, but, sentimentalist though he is, he avoided getting too goopily saccharine, 'cause who wants that? No such restraint in this episode, big surprise.
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