Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas: The DVD

I'll just stick this here, I suppose.  Why am I going on at such length about this trivial media property that no one cares about?  It is a great mystery.  I guess it's just fun to go on and on and on about nonsense!  Distracts from current events, anyway.  Though less than you'd hope, because they're mostly nonsense too.  Anyway, here's the DVD front cover.  As far as I can tell, the NTSC and PAL versions are the same:

Well all right then.  Seems to sorta be cheating to include character models that are non-CG, or least that don't look remotely like the CG of the film.  But what can you do?  The snowflakes in Mickey's ears kind of look as though the ears are made of glass--like a rear-view mirror--that's been partially broken.

Also, if they were trying to make "Find Out Who's Been Naughty and Who's Been Nice" into a beloved catchphrase, I don't think they quite hit the mark.

But the real point of interest--that might be overstating it a bit--is the back cover, which is substantially different for the NTSC and PAL versions:

You'd think the PAL version would be marketed at a UK audience, but as you'll see if you look closer, it specifies that it's only for sale in Australia.  It's interesting to compare the two.  You'll see that the copy is basically the same, but the phrasing has been switched around for unclear reasons.  Is the movie about "the importance of opening your heart to the true spirit of Christmas," or is it about "discovering the true joys of Christmas?"  Holy wars have been fought over less.

The NTSC version makes a somewhat halfhearted effort to hype the content with "Who will make Santa's list?" and "Minnie and Daisy put on an ice spectacular," whereas the pal version, I suppose, trusts the material to sell itself.  The former has art that you'd probably describe as more Christmas-y, but if the ice skating sequence were any cop, featuring it, as the latter does, would probably be the better way to go.  As it happens, it's not, but...well, fake it 'til you make it, I guess.

Note also the special features.  They both feature the dubious-looking feature about Michelle Kwan, and they both include "all things deleted," though only the PAL version is willing to commit to the idea that this constitutes behind-the-scenes fun with the filmmakers.  Also!  They both include "Guess What Donald Is Singing? [sic]," so that's fun.  Ooh!  Can I guess?  Is it "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?"  What a swell game this was.  Also, "Santa's Workshop Challenge."  But only the Aussies get the unelaborated "Santa's Sort," and only us dumb Americans get to decorate their DVD menu and print some bangass holiday printables, so I guess it's a toss-up.  Well, the American version DOES include "Disney's Fastplay™," a feature that nobody has ever wanted ever, so there IS that.

But if you are concerned about accessibility, you will also notice that there are significant differences there, if these boxes are to be believed: the US version includes French and Spanish language tracks; the Australian one doesn't feature those, but it DOES have English, Spanish, and Portuguese subtitles, for whatever extremely arbitrary reason.

But ferget this!  If you're interested in having the movie on some kind of physical media (you weirdo), you'll probably buy one of the various two-fer sets including both Once and Twice Upon a Christmas.  There are bunch of different versions of this, and it's hard to sort them all out, but let's just look at the back of this one blu-ray:

Well, that is what it is.  Not that interesting, although it's kind of funny that the description for Twice persists in including that "Find out who's been naughty and who's been nice" line, even though they seem to have given up the idea of making it their catchphrase.  But it's just too good to not include!  I'm also sort of intrigued by that "Gift of the Magi Storybook" feature.  Am I to understand that someone actually wrote a prose version of the cartoon for inclusion on the disc?  I suppose you can just have an intern do if you want to save money and don't have even a tiny bit of quality control, which, I can attest, Disney DVDs extremely do not.  Could be interesting, but it is to be doubted.  I would have thought it was just the original O. Henry story if it didn't specify "Mickey & Minnie's version of."  It's actually pretty weird: they make these classic, timeless movies (present company not included) and then lard the disc with the most lazy, godawful "bonuses."  Some really mixed messages here.

And yet, I think what's obvious is that the best--really, the only legitimate--way to enjoy either one of those movies is on VHS tape.

Goddamn--if you get a former rental copy, it may even include a Blockbuster Video commercial uptop!  How sweet would that be?  Well, whatever.  Happy holidays.