Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Thirteen: "Sheldgoose Square Dance"

I am disappointed by the distinct lack of square dancing in this episode--and, in fact, I'm finding that title a bit inscrutable. What does it mean?

I suppose the problem with a climactic episode in a show like this is that it was never really building towards a climax, or if in theory it was, that was really just an excuse to have more or less unrelated adventures along the way. Thus, when you get to the end...hmm. Same reason the climactic MCU movies have generally fallen flat, I think.

Well...but actually, I'd say the problem here is that it's basically a not-that-interesting boss fight. I like how it manages to involve all the characters, but...still. It's just not that gripping, and as for the part where Sheldgoose and Xandra are doing dueling cameos from previous episodes I am, perhaps, not more excited by it than I've ever been by anything before. Also, da hell is the deal with "the wizard Blazebeak," who appears out of goddamn NOWHERE and talks about how, oh, I've been protecting you and then disappears and WHUH? I would not describe this as deft plotting.

Oh well. It was reasonably watchable, I suppose, and my overall impression of the series is positive. I'm kind of baffled that they're content to allow non-Filipinos to view it via internet leaks. Surely it'll be released more widely at some point, but the current situation kind of dulls the probable impact of that. WEIRD. Well, here's hoping for a season two.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Twelve: "Shangri-La-Di-Da

Okay, time to finish this up! In this second-last episode, Fell'n'Shell (as I've decided I'm going to call them) have the special caballero emblem things, and they're off to the secret...place beneath Sheldrake's mansion (he seems as unclear about it as I am) to do bad...stuff. It IS a little vague. The caballeros have to stop them, but it's harder because Donald and Daisy have been spirited off to Shangri-La to repair their relationship and Donald has to deal with his anger issues. But! They improvise a cool-looking cannon thing to break down the barrier (really, should you be able to DO that with just brute force) and then Donald solves his problem (FOREVER!) and he's BACK, baby! To be continued! Oh, and a mini Scrooge cameo, albeit one where he doesn't act anything like you'd expect Scrooge to.

Right. As I said the Fell'n'Shell stuff isn't that clear or that...interesting to me. The stuff with two thirds of the caballeros and the rest of the ensemble is...well, it's fine, if not mind-blowing. I like when AMJ are like "watch out for those guys! They're really tough!" and Xandra just kicks the shit out of them like it's nothing.

Still, the meat of it is the Donald and Daisy stuff. YES, there's a yeti song about Shangri-La! It's okay! But the main thing is, you can only leave when ALL your problems are solved, so Donald has to solve his anger problem. Hmmm. Now, undoubtedly, this feels a bit forced: sure, he has these issues, but I feel like they only really manifest themselves here because the show needs them to, but because they work in any natural way. His getting mad over being offered a drink seems...dubious, and EVEN though it's pretty funny (albeit predictable) for him to violently tear to pieces the pillow that represents "slightly frustrating occurrences," I did wonder.

NONETHELESS. The psychedelic sequence where he confronts his issues is pretty cool, and feels more like the original movie than anything else we've seen in this series. And goddamn, people: "Donald! W-where are you going?" "To my destiny..." (leaves, comes back and kisses her on the mouth). YES. THAT IS SO DAMN GOOD. Thank you, show, for giving him that moment. Inevitably, I have to note that the only way New Ducktales could give Donald a moment of coolness was by making him into a completely different character. THREE CABALLEROS EFF TEE DOUBLE-YOU.

Ducktales Season Wrap-Up

Favorite episode? "The Beagle Birthday Massacre." It shows Webby and Lena's relationship at its most appealing, and the extravagant variety of Beagle Boys suggests a kind of imagination that makes one hope the show will really take flight. Regardless of whether or not that ultimately happened...

Least favorite? "The Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains." More than any other, this really showcased the writers not getting it and not giving a shit. Rage-inducing.

Best character portrayal? Well...it has to be Webby, doesn't it, just given the gulf between this and Original Ducktales--and that entirely notwithstanding the extremely bad idea of making her creepily obsessed with Scrooge.

Worst? Fuckin' Glomgold, man. I know I've done a lot of complaining about the character never being as interesting as he was in Barks, but I TAKE IT ALL BACK! I mean, not really, but I will forgive you all your sins if you'll just make him a friggin' worthy adversary for Scrooge, instead of this completely worthless, bumbling incompetent whose financial success is utterly impossible to fathom. Bah.

I mean, there are a lot of other characters who could plausibly fit in this category. However, I really do want to give a special shout-out to Donald, who is depicted basically as this entirely hapless figure of fun that everyone may "love" in some sense, but whom no one takes seriously. I feel this is a very serious misunderstanding of the character: sure, he fails a lot, but the point is, he's <i>vital,</i> and when he fails, he fails with vigor. That vital energy against all outside forces and against himself is what makes him vital (which is why later, more cynical Barks ten-pagers where this isn't the case can feel so dispiriting). And, of course, he doesn't always fail. Here, there's...really no indication of what his appeal might be. And as Lieju notes in comments to the last post, given this particular story--Della being his sister and all--he really ought to be playing a more central role. It really, really feels like the writers are just sort of guessing as to what fans of these characters want, and not having much luck.

And hey, I mean, not to say that you necessarily have to try to give the fans what they want!  If you fancy your chances, strike out with your own powerful, unique vision that will force everyone to admit--if only grudgingly, in their heart of hearts--that yeah, you knew what you were doing, you were right.  But that's not what they're doing here, is it?  It's just an ungainly mixture of fan-service and fan-pissing-off, to little clear end.

Character I wouldn't mind seeing more of: eh, Gladstone. I may not have loved his episode, but the portrayal isn't bad, and Paul F Tompkins' voice acting makes him more appealing than he might be.

Less of: okay, this doesn't answer the question per se, but seriously, man, I know the show's established the way it is, and there's only so much you could do about it, but maybe at least you could just kinda *tone down* the nephews idiosyncrasies a bit? I'd like that. I don't have much hope for Scrooge, though, who, let's face it, has been all over the place, and, I mean...part of the genius of Barks was making you root for the rich to get richer. Does anybody feel REMOTELY that way about this guy? Bah.

Anything else? Nah, I'm good.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Twenty-Three: "The Shadow War"

Well. I suppose, given what this show is and what it wants to do, this was probably about the best version of what it is that it could be. Whether that version of that thing was ever something I was going to appreciate...unclear.

The insightful comments on the last episode kind of clarified, for me, the issues with this show, I think: the whole thing is so concerned with playing off and modernizing classic duck characters and tropes that it's neglected the important task of creating any sort of identity for itself outside these references; any compelling reason why, as its own specific thing, it should work. The Della thing, I think, is the apex of this: wait, WHY are we supposed to care about--IT'S BEEN A HUGE MYSTERY FOR MANY YEARS YOU MUST CARE ABOUT IT. Well, but the thing is, we kinda DON'T, or at least not with the weight that you want us to, and it feels like you're sorta misunderstanding fandom if you--YOU WILL CARE. Okay, but in that case, you need to work to give us some REASON to--THIS IS A THING YOU CARE ABOUT. IT IS DECREED. "The loss of Della was the hardest thing he'd EVER faced!" Yeah? Well, maybe you should've made some effort to actually let us feel this ourselves if you were going to do it at all? Otherwise, it just doesn't work. "You can't fool me, Scroogie," Magica says. "I am the one who fools." I just think that if you would put less effort into incongruous Breaking Bad references and more into these very basic story issues, you'd be doing a lot better.

They don't even really understand the stuff they're trying to riff off, so it would be better for them to try to forge their own identity than do...what they're doing. The "Barksian modulator," that gives Donald a "normal" voice: it also, apparently gives him a new personality. Now, this might be at least sort of interesting as a commentary on the fact that comics-Donald and cartoon-Donald are really completely different people. Are they consciously going for that? Extremely difficult to say. But if so, it's rather undermined by the fact that his new personality--hyper-competent tough guy--doesn't have anything to do with Barks either. And if it DOESN'T, it just seems like equally defective storytelling in its own way.

OKAY. Unmoved as I am by this whole familial conflict, I found all the stuff with the characters dicking around on the houseboat pretty tedious. The kids hurling artifacts into the bay has no emotional weight. Not that I'm a huge fan of the Scrooge stuff either, but at least it's...something. The way Shadow-Magica "drips" out of Lena's eye sockets is genuinely creepy. Also, I do like Real-Magica's character design, even if the psychotic kill-em-all stuff (she wants to "destroy everything Scrooge has ever loved") has no resemblance to any Magica I know or--perhaps more to the point--anything notably interesting.

Wuff...what else can I say? The final showdown thing with Magica in the bin was, okay, reasonably well-done for what it was. And, dammit, I find myself still at least somewhat invested in the Lena stuff. And I do not have any pithy closing words.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Twenty-Two: "The Last Crash of the Sunchaser"

Yes yes yes yes yes. I know I know I know I know I know. Etc. No, I'm not wild about this show, but I assure you, that's not the reason for my dereliction of duty here. The truth is, I recently had a bit of an unexpected medical issue. No need to worry; I'm fine. But I was pretty seriously distracted from even thinking about this stuff. But here we are. Let's do it. Etc.

Right, so everyone's all upbeat and stuff at the start, because they're going to have a fun adventure in Monacrow, and I'll admit that the nonsensical "change the name of everything so it's about birds" kinda cracked me up there. And Mrs Beakley's coming along too this time because reasons.

But then their plane gets stuck on a, like, mountain thing. How to get down? You know, I think an episode dealing with that and only that would've been okay. I do like the limited setting--everything but the very beginning and ending taking place on this cargo plane in trouble. But, of course, that's not what this is.

Beakley being upset that Scrooge is putting the kids in danger? This...seems to rely pretty heavily on her having in the past never having received any word whatsoever about they're doing as they gallivant around, which seems doubtful. I also find this extremely dubious going forward: you're calling into question the premise of the whole show, and yet it's impossible to imagine that future seasons won't proceed...more or less the same as this one. I don't really think you know what you're doing.

The less said the better about this fucking Della fan-fiction. The only thing I find vaguely interesting: is she really supposed to be a single mother? Don't get me wrong; the LAST thing I want is for the show to address this in any way, or do anything with it whatsoever. But as long as they are. Eh.

And then this hella forced "break-up" business where everyone's alienated from Scrooge? It ain't exactly Rosa-level pathos, I'll tell you that much. My interest is limited.

But hey. It's kind of amusing that the only "in-flight entertainment" is the endlessly-repeating end-credits sequence to a Darkwing Duck episode, yeah? Take what you can get. Even if there's not much of it.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Twenty-One: "The Secret(s) of Castle McDuck"

Okay...we WILL get through this. Well, we'll get through the end of this season, at any rate. Then, we'll see. We shall see.

So. I mean, I guess in theory, there's nothing wrong per se with having Scrooge's parents be alive. People have interpreted these character in radically different ways, soooo...why not? Well, I can write that. And yet, every fiber of my being cries out THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? I'd certainly be more willing to forgive it if they did anything interesting or creative with them, but no, it's really just the most generic, hackneyed sort of daddy issues. And. Really. People. People.

THE IDEA THAT FERGUS ARRANGED FOR HIM TO EARN HIS NUMBER ONE DIME IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.

I trust I have made myself clear.

Yes, well. And then there's the stuff with the kids. I supposed it's better than the other plot thread by default, but that's not saying much. This whole "Webby's obsessed with Scrooge" thing is dumb as hell, and the business with Dewey trying to discourage his brothers from finding shit out...I mean, it's pretty dumb anyway, but given how poorly they're all characterized, I just could not care less about any of the family drama.

Sorry for being so negative...well, no, obviously, I'm not. I'm sorry the show MAKES me so negative. I feel I've come far enough that I should see this season out, but I am just not sure it's done enough to deserve any kind of further attention from me.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Twenty: "Sky Pirates in the Sky"

Okay okay, let's try to get back into this. This, of course, is the Tailspin Crossover one. Whoo. Now, I will say some things in its favor: I certainly can't not get into song-and-dance numbers. The ducks watching in bemusement as the pirates took their treasure was undeniably amusing. I also like that the episode was basically just a thing, without trying to unwieldily bang together extra mythology that really has no place anywhere. The fact of the Tailspin-crossoveriness was...I mean, it was fine, I guess, since it's not, as far as I can tell, pretending to be a lead-in to any sort of larger mythology. It's just there. Does it have any reason to be there? No, not really. Is it basically just gesturing emptily and going "hey, here's a thing you remember!"? Of course. But, you know, that doesn't offend me.

Still. I didn't love this episode. It's not entirely clear to me whether this is actually worse than the norm or if I've just become more sensitive to it, but the nephews and Webby babbling at each other in the beginning was kind of intolerable to me ("I am offended that you would try to taint this treasure hunt with learning," seriously, just go to hell). It just emphasizes the massive gulf between them and the real versions of their characters (okay, I suppose I'll allow that Webby can be the "real" version of Webby. You know what I mean). And then the conflict of the episode, such as it was, where no one cares even a tiny bit about Dewey so he becomes a pirate captain, as you do, was forced as anything. Care for it, I did not. WHATEVER.

Not related to this episode per se, but let's not that the original theme song went "tales of derring-do bad and good luck tales," whereas with the new one it's just "tales of daring bad and good" etc. Now, if I liked this show better, I wouldn't say (or think) anything about that, but since I don't, I'm just going to say, oh look, they dumbed it down on the basis that "derring-do" is an idiom that The Kids Today are too illiterate to know. Whoo-oo. Whoo-oo, indeed.

I KNOW I KNOW

Service WILL resume.  I've just been a bit distracted/busy with other things lately, and it's been a bit stressful.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Nineteen: "The Other Bin of Scrooge McDuck"

Look. I tried to go into this episode with open heart and mind. To appreciate it for what it is. To evaluate it as unburdened by preconceptions as possible. But it didn't work, dammit. I really hated pretty much everything about it.

Let's start with the depiction of Magica, which certainly isn't new to this episode, but which we see in a more prolonged way than ever. Now, comics-Magica is, of course, pretty variable, in terms of just how evil or quasi-sympathetic she is. But...this version of her is wholly unlike anything we've seen before, and I hate it. I must grant, on this particular point, that my opinion here is obviously highly colored by my background, and someone without it might appreciate her more for what she is. Still, I think it's a fair complaint: including all this annoying fan-service for comics fans doesn't really mean anything if you then proceed to alter familiar character beyond recognition. Really, now.

I have certainly said that the Lena/Webby business was my favorite thing in the series, but I am not sure how long and to what extent I will be able to keep that up. I mean, it may still be my "favorite" for lack of anything else, and I must grant, I guess, that Lena's dreamcatcher-induced vision is the best thing in the episode, if there has to be a "best thing." But it's wearing pretty thin for me, and the depiction of Webby and her ever-more deranged obsession with Scrooge is...well: "Definitely not collecting drool samples when he sleeps!" I mean...seriously? How is this appealing? Who is this appealing to? Why are you doing this to the character?

Of course, all of the above is focused on the A plot, which at least features some level of drama and, you know, human interest. I really cannot say the same for the wholly discrete, and very mean-spirited, B plot, in which the nephews have a yeti hidden in the house and Scrooge, for very dubiously-justified reasons, is stalking around with a rifle-crossbow thing (possibly just so, apropos of nothing, he can make a lame Jurassic Park reference?). Look, you're going to do your own thing with the nephews, and that's just the way it is. I know it, and I know I can't do anything about it. But FOR FUCK'S SAKE, are you trying to make them as repellent as possible? Why? What is this? Louie has a fake charity? His brothers blackmail him into silence? None of this shit is even a tiny bit acceptable, and I'm coming closer and closer to agreeing with the people who opine that, occasional sparks of interest notwithstanding, this show is basically irredeemable garbage.

And if you think that's too negative, well, hopefully it's nonetheless preferable to my apathetic non-opinions regarding the previous episode.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Eleven: "Thanks a Camelot"

Apparently, the Caballeros need to train with King Arthur. They JUST DO. He's a lion, predictably enough, and he has four anthropomorphic-animal knights at his command--including, maybe interestingly, a gender-swapped Kay--though I guess her being an ostrich is a bigger change, really.

Unfortunately, it seems that Arthur these days is more into corporate-team-building-type activities than anything useful. But when April May and June use one of Owl Merlin's spells to summon a dragon...well, okay, I guess the results are fairly predictable.

This all makes for a pleasant enough episode, if nothing mind-blowing. Owl Merlin is fun, becoming obsessed with a game on one of the niece's phones (and also, on seeing a picture: "is this where you put images that disobey the king?"). Still, it is kind of anticlimactic how in the end, the nieces just destroy a picture of a dragon and that's that. Whee? Also, please explain to me why Merlin throwing the phone in the fire causes the random guy in the Apple Store to die horribly.

To tell the truth, even though it didn't take up as much screen time as I might've liked, my favorite part was Ari and the Bear fending off Sheldgoose's incursion into their house (turns out it's just Felldrake whom the barrier repels). That was the kind of absurd, slapstick-y stuff that I appreciate.

I could keep watching this indefinitely. Shame there are only two episodes left.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Ten: "Mt. Fuji Whiz"

And now, this. We had the big cliffhanger where the caballeros, and also Sheldgoose and Felldrake, DIED last time, and now they're in the afterlife, which seems sort of dismal, to tell the truth. AMJ and Sandra try to help in their own ways. And also, hey, look Clinton Coot! That's pretty cool. I mean, it's not like he's characterized all that strongly aside from being generally cheerfully avuncular, but it's still fun. Unless I'm mistaken, he was only ever a picture on Rosa's family tree before, so why not? I can get behind this; it's a comics reference, but, like, a natural one; it doesn't feel forced or gratuitous as these things generally do in new ducktales.

Well, to tell the truth, this episode was maybe a little thin plotwise. A lot of lore, which is, eh, fine. But the actual story...well, it was fine too, I guess! I thought the yokai were cool, and I just wish they'd done more with the "ghostly" abilities that you apparently get in the afterlife. Still. A bit, to repeat myself, thin, perhaps. The AMJ stuff was particularly notable in its pointlessness; they don't accomplish anything except to mildly inconvenience the caballeros in their escape efforts.

Still, I don't want to seem too down on this episode. I liked it, and I wish there were more than just the thirteen of them.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Eighteen: "Who Is Gizmoduck?"

Well...better get this over with. Boy, that's REALLY not the positive, can-do attitude that we need around here, is it?

I'm just kind of afraid I'm not the right person, in general, to say anything about this show, due to my intense apathy about the whole thing. Yeah, there are individual episodes that I think are okay, but just EVERYTHING about the conception rubs me the wrong way, so even if there are things to praise, I just can't help but have this background irritation about the whole thing. If that makes sense. And certainly no impulse to say much about it.

This episode...is what it is. I think the reason I liked Fenton in the original series was that he provided a comics-Donald-esque character in a world that needed such a thing. He doesn't really...do that here, thusfar, so it's hard for me to have feelings about him. Lin-Manuel Miranda is totally unrecognizable in the role, also too. Here we have his soap-opera-watchin' mother, who is now a police officer. I guess. Why not. Fine. Again: trying to have an opinion here; not having much luck.

So this is the one where Mark Beaks takes control of Gizmoduck and tries to make him part of an app. And...Huey worships him but then he doesn't but then he does. And...that's what happens in this episode. If I were forced at gunpoint to say something positive about this, I guess it would be that Beaks is sort of sinister here. But that's a lift.

Anyway. That's that. Oh, and is that title meant to be an Ayn Rand reference? 'Cause I am NOT down with that, let me tell you.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Nine: "Mexico a Go-Go"

So according to conspiracy-theory-AMJ, "the Sheldgoose family line has a dark connection to every major disaster in history!" OMG. To illustrate this, they have pictures of: the Titanic sinking (it could be any ship, really, but the Titanic just seems like the best-known "major disaster), a mushroom cloud, a radiation warning (this shit could get REALLY dark if you went into more detail), a plane going down, a tidal wave about to hit a lighthouse, and...a thumbs-down sign? Okay! Anyway. So that is that.

Then! Off to Mexico for adventures. It's honestly not hugely clear what these goings-on have to do with the larger Felldrake plot stuff, but that's okay: fun's fun. The Mexican/Aztec chickens see Panchito as the incarnation of a god, or words to that effect, so they treat him all royally and stuff...BUT! Is there a dark side to all this? Impossible to say! There's a sexy lady parrot to distract Jose (certainly in-character) and a sexy human dude to distract Xandra. As for Donald, he's concocted a scheme with AMJ whereby he can go on a date with Daisy by having one of them standing on another's shoulders kids-trying-to-get-into-R-rated-movie-style, using the mirror. This makes Daisy look dumber than is probably reasonable, it's true (and the idea that she "never made the connection before" between her name and actual daisies--hoo boy), but this is a kind of humor that, though obvious, I can't help finding hilarious every damn time. So anyway, that's what he's doing, or trying to do.

Turns out Panchito, as a representative of Life, has to battle Sheldgoose as a representative of Death ("Well idiot, I don't see how you have a chance. That's my pep talk. Go get 'im," is Felldrake's inspirational speech). And, naturally, the luchador thing comes back. Though I have to say, I thought luchadors were supposed to hide their identities, or at least make some pretense in that direction--Panchito doesn't, even a tiny bit.

Well, it's all fun and games, but then it turns out that Sexy Dude was Death and Sexy Parrot was Life the whole time! It's genuinely creepy when they unmask, but it is wholly unclear to me what the purpose of this charade was in the first place it it's all fake, and it is further unclear to me why Life is declared to have "won" this...thing.

Still, it's bright and shiny with a fun cliffhanger. Not gonna lie: I'm still not seeing what you people saw in the last episode, but this one is back on track.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Eight: "Nazca Racing"

So here's the one where they go to Nazca and become line drawings and have to fight Felldrake and Sheldgoose like that, and meanwhile April May and June infiltrate Sheldgoose's mansion to try to figure out what's up with the barrier. Does that about cover it?

I like that title, but it's no lie: this one is a substantial step down from the last few. The line drawing business is reasonably cool-looking, I guess, and it DOES come alive a bit in the aerial chase scene where everyone's drawing cannons and whatnot to attack everyone else, but eh. It's mostly pretty uninteresting. As is the infiltration sequence; it's great to give AMJ a more prominent role and all, but it was not done in a super-compelling way here. I didn't even care for the song; it felt forced and unnecessary in a way that previous musical numbers haven't. I guess I liked the intensely Midwestern Nazca guardian lady. She and the monkey look really strange in the "real" world.

Also: "If the earth is destroyed, he will be too! He's evil, not insane!" I dunno, man: he wanted to "cover the world in fire" back in the Easter Island episode. Are you sure you've thought this through?

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Seven: "Mount Rushmore (or less)"

I enjoyed the fact that the Mount Rushmore business--which anyone would assume would take up the whole episode--was dispensed with in four minutes. Good; I think that's all the time it needed. I enjoyed the fact that George Washington was so throughly invested in being a ghost, and I enjoyed the unusual thing of actual historical figures being portrayed as ducks (see also Francis Drake in Rosa's "His Majesty McDuck"), but I feel I would have gotten pretty bored pretty quickly if that had gone on for much longer than it did.

But no! Instead it gets all zany and shambolic in a fun way. The bearskin rug coming to life feels a bit arbitrary, but the bear is cute. I like it. I also like Sheldgoose being concerned with civic maneuvering while Felldrake wants to focus more on world-conquering activities ("You are the least important president of anything ever"). I have no strong feelings about Eugenia Ferdinand-Ferdinand (sp?), but it did make me think, huh. Has there ever been a peacock character in the duckiverse before? It seems like there should have been, but I can't think of one (okay, peahen, technically, and therefore shouldn't really have the plumage, but hey--nitpicking is fun!). I liked Xandra destroying the hors d'oeuvres at the party, even if it was a bit predictable. I didn't so much love Daisy trying to make Donald jealous by dating the unreliable Dapper Duck--"Love Trouble" was fine and everything, but these days, that can't help but feel pretty dated. I might be interested if Daisy becomes more involved with the main plot, however. Oh, one thing: I didn't understand why the Caballeros were unable to enter Sheldgoose's house when everyone else could. Please explain.

Here are some other things that made me laugh:

-Ari putting an ear of corn in a pot and tossing in a grenade to make popcorn

-"Stop right there, bear!" "We have chased you all over the square!" "In goblin jaaaaail!"

-"Poppycock! There's no such thing as The Moon!"

"Donald was Felldrake the whole time?"

Very good episode. More like this, please.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Six: "Stonehenge Your Bets"

In ancient times...hundreds of years before the dawn of his'try...wait, did Leopold TALK before now? I feel like that's an new thing. Weird.

Well, as you know, this is the one where they go through a portal in Stonehenge to Goblin Land. I like the doorbell sound that the portal makes. "As long as they're leaderless, they're not a threat," Xandra says, and inevitably, hey, there's Gellfrake and Deldshoose. Our heroes are thrown in Goblin Jail, and yeah, the song put a smile on my face. The more elaborate the musical numbers, the better, is my feeling.

Large beast is summoned. Large beast is defeated via...pathos (I must disagree with the nomenclature here; making it all heart-warmed is by no means the same as "breaking its heart)? Endearing small goblin Worm (ne Vomit) becomes king...hooray.

I don't know; did I like it as much as the last one? Probably not; there was plenty to like, but it did feel a bit more peril-of-the-week-y. Also, I could have done without the goblin drooling and/or vomiting on Xandra's head, not to mention the fart jokes. Still, it is unpretentiously entertaining. Not all Up Itself like the last Ducktales episode. I could gladly go on watching this stuff. And, uh, I will!

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Seventeen: "From the Confidential Case Files of Agent 22"

Dammit, I'm required to have an opinion about this, aren't I? Um...can I phone a friend?

I feel like my opinions about these attempts to create webs of continuity with other Disney properties are difficult to articulate and not necessarily justifiable. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, I guess. It just...I don't know, feels like an effort to accrue good will without earning it, just by pointing at past stuff that we're assumed to like? Maybe that's it.

Well...I guess it's to no one's great surprise that we learn, omg, Beakley is or was (it's not quite clear) an agent of SHUSH. I mean...fine, I guess. It's certainly better than her original-Ducktales incarnation. And having Van Drake be the director is...fine, I guess. He doesn't really do much. But I DEFINITELY cannot abide the idea of Scrooge as having been part of the organization. That's the kind of thing that, upon being floated, the other writers should've been like no, dude, that's a dumb idea, what's wrong with you? All the "Scrooge is awesome at everything" stuff marred a number of Rosa stories, and "oh he's awesome at everything AND ALSO HE'S A SECRET AGENT!" is just so much bad fan fiction. I mean, even beyond the fact that it egregiously violates everything we know about him. It's too bad, because if it were just a peripheral thing you could more or less ignore it, but with him being so damn central to the plot, you know this is going to be forcibly rubbed in our faces in future.

Right, the plot is a lotta whatevs for me. Webby is obsessed with Scrooge suddenly; I know that's sort of been a thing previously, but it's just so obvious that they're setting things up so they can have her partner up with him. It's pretty clumsy. Beakley's kidnapped and they have to go...place. To do...thing. There's a FOWL agent, Black Heron, and I can only imagine the force of will it must've taken them to not just stick Steelbeak in there. Gotta save SOME hollow fan service for later, I guess. I was wholly unmoved by references to nutmeg tea and unicorns, and I refuse to say anything about any references to a show that was itself inspired (if that's the word) by bad candy. That's just too much for me to take. The end.

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Five: "No Man Is an Easter Island"

Ain't no party like a Moai party, 'cause...well, for obvious reasons.  But Let me repeat that: a MOAI party! They're called Moai! Not Moa! Jeez, episode.

That notwithstanding, this was an obvious, huge improvement on the last few. This involves lava lizards under Easter Island whom the Moai are supposed to keep down. It's a creative approach, and I enjoyed it, but what I really enjoyed was that it didn't devolve into the same kind of boring "stop the baddies" thing that the last few did.

Did I love the usual reductive Donald/Daisy stuff? Not hugely. Did I find the rationale for why DAISY MUST NEVER KNOW about the Caballeros a bit dubious? I did. But mostly, I liked it. Here are some other random observations about the episode:

-It's kind of disorienting when they're dropped off by Apollo, who had not appeared in the last episode.

-Love Ari cracking himself into pieces with a mallet and reconstituting as mini-Aris. In general, I think the less realistic the better with this show.

-And on that note, also love Sheldrake bursting into song to get rid of the Moai. The song itself isn't memorable, but it's great that it happened.

-Man, they sure do kill A LOT of sentient lizards. Does this have the highest body count of any episode of any Disney cartoon?

"You're like my brothers from a different mother and a different father from a different country that I recently just met!"

-Good Donald impression from Xandra.

-I know I said I like the unrealism, but I also like Donald trying to flush himself down the toilet and it obviously not working. Good messing around with expectations.

-"You hired my nieces to cook and clean for you." Well, now we know why they're hanging around for no apparent reason. Okay!

"And now they shall cover the world in fire!" I know it's pointless to ask, but one does have to wonder what exactly Felldrake WANTS, exactly. Just world domination? Destroying the world outright? It's a big hand-wavey in that "we need a bit villain, dammit" way.

-I can't say I care for the way they truncate the theme song and end on a crescendo that's not at all part of it and sounds jarringly out-of-place.

That's all! I'm keen to continue!

Legend of the Three Caballeros, Episode Four: "World Tree Caballeros"

So is that title a pun I'm not quite getting, or is it REALLY as trivial as "There's a World Tree and 'tree' sounds kind of like 'three?'" Can't say I'm overly impressed by that, guys!

Well, it's not a super-impressive episode, though I guess I'll take it over the last one. The idea is that Felldrake can't access the caballeros' house, so he needs to get special power, and I wonder: why can't he just send Sheldgoose? He was able to go in before. I don't get it. But, he can't, so instead he has to go to this world tree in Italy, where there are Roman gods. PRETTY sure you're thinking of Norse mythology here, guys. Or a number of others, but definitely not Roman. Weird.

Anyway, caballeros go after them, and Zandra fangirls out over the gods, only to find that they're old now. Well, Jupiter Venus and Mars, at least; no other are featured. Anyway. It's necessary to get them back into fighting spirit, which she does with the help of platitudes from April May and June. And...the good guys win. Sorry for the spoiler.

Well, there were some things I liked: I liked that it opened with the caballeros having a popcorn fight and Zandra knocking down the chandelier. I liked the way Italy outside the plane window had the word "Italy" emblazoned upon it. I liked "We're not birds! It's not like we can fly!" And then this exchange:

Donald: I'm freezing my tail off!

Panchito: That's because you don't wear pants!

Jose: Hey! Do not knock it until you try it, my friend!

It's a good point. But overall, again, I was pretty lukewarm about this one. We shall see what happens next. Obviously.

New Ducktales, Season One, Episode Sixteen: "Day of the Only Child"

I think if you're going to appreciate this series at all, you really need to accept the fact that most of the characters have basically nothing to do with their comics-equivalents. This is true of HDL more than anyone, I'd say. The show makes this harder to do by including the odd bit of inept comics-fan fan-service, but you gotta. I mean, the "completely different personalities" thing is...a thing. That is nothing whatsoever like older things. In a way I can't say I care for.

But! This episode, for what it was, actually was not bad. We have them trying to be autonomous people while also being part of a triad, which, okay, fine, the character-building could be worse. Huey helping Beagle Boys be better outdoorsmen was fun, for sure. As for Louie visiting Doofus...well, I do think it's funny that the writers apparently realized that nobody ever liked Doofus and so didn't even make a token effort to maintain the original character; all that's left is his name and, sort of, his looks. Now he's a deranged, spoiled billionaire. There seems to be the potential for horror here--hard not to think of the kid wishing people into the cornfield--but eh, it's amusing enough.

Inevitably, of course, we then come to Dewey's segment, and uh. This is the part of the episode that decidedly does not work; seeing him try to enact this fake talk show all by himself with cardboard cutouts as an audience makes him look as crazy as Doofus if not more so, and not in a fun way. More in a bemusing, why-the-hell-am-I-watching-this-and-what-does-this-have-to-do-with-Dewey's-established-personality-such-as-it-is way. Oh well. As a wise man once said: though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, I can see paradise by the dashboard light. Wait, am I thinking of something else? Whatever!